Reasons to miss you
I miss you, even though I don’t have any reason to. Our relation wasn’t what you and I expected it to be. I just know that. But still there are some moments I can’t stop thinking about you. Then there’s that song on the radio you could sing so loud, with the biggest smile on your face. And that memory makes me so truly happy! Because at that moment, it brought the biggest smile to my face and I started to act insane, because with you I was able to. And memories of you holding me, making fun together, I really miss those times. And I know I made things really hard, I became really obnoxious. I forgot to tell how much you meant to me, just because I was afraid to hear the response. At first I put the blame on you, but now I know it was both of us. But it was all so easy, you were like perfect to me. Nothing was hard, the things were just like you said. I never had to worry, never had to think about the future, because you were there for me to make things easier. And I’m thankful you made me see things weren’t hard as I made them. I will never regret what we had, it was beautiful, but things just went wrong. I don’t know what you call it, but I call it fate. You really broke my heart, and I never wanted us to end up like this. And sometimes it’s still hard, but I guess that’s just first love. Moving on is getting easier every day. The memories will never fade, I will always remember our times together. And I promise you, one day those memories will only make me smile. Not cry as they sometimes still do.
Add a comment 08/03/2009
First love
Everybody is used to say that they’ll grow old with their first loves. And at first it looks like there’s nobody else in the world who could even come close to the person you love the most. Unfortunately first love mostly doesn’t last, it lasts so little. Nobody knows why, but I think it’s because everybody needs to find out what they need in a relationship. And you won’t know that when you stuck to your first love. And many times first love is not the way you want it to be until the end of time. No I guess first love doesn’t exist, I think it’s something you need to experience. After that first love, going on living without him or her will be so hard. You’ll think that you’ll always love your first love. But that’s not true, you will love the person your first love was when you were together. You both changed to much to know who that first love is, if that person is still the same. Because that person won’t be same. Time changes many things, it even changes people. People you know become people you knew. But one thing is for sure, even if time makes first loves disappear, people will always have that first love. From the first kiss, to the last tear. Make it an experience worth looking back on, because that first love will be the one who will always be in your life, in your heart. That person will be in your mind once in a while. And then you think back on the days you had together. That person will be in your dreams every once in a while, for you to feel the warm embrace one again. And there will be many times you think how you were ever able to let that person go. And you’ll wish that person will be in your life again. But that won’t happen. You’ll only learn what you want and need in a relationship. And from that point on, move on with your life. Because if your first love, is the one you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life. That person doesn’t want you to stop living because you lost that person. No, just go on living. Experience things, have fun, make life worth living! Don’t let your tears drown day and night. Go on living! There’s nothing else you can do! You don’t have a choice, but to go on. And maybe, maybe someday your true love will come around. Maybe he or she will be the one you’ll live with for the rest of your life. But you’ll never forget about your first love.
1 reactie 21/02/2009
Dreams
Don’t you remember the passion between us? Because I still do! I can’t forget your lips on mine, I can’t forget your touch. And when I think back on those moments, something burns inside. It’s a feeling I never knew before. It’s new to me, to have such feelings. I never thought I would fall in love with you, but there is something about you that attracts me. I can’t help it, it must have been somewhere between our laughs, long talks, stupid jokes. I don’t know… But what I know for sure is that you kind of take my breath away. But I’m not the person you want me to be. I can’t be, I’m sorry. I’m not proud of who I am, hurting people without knowing what I’m saying, forgive me for that. And I know what you’re thinking, but I turned some pages in my book of life, the sun is starting to shine. I’m looking forward to feel the summer sun on my skin. I can’t help but dream about late night water fight, midnight kisses and summer wishes. And every time I picture those things, I can’t help but seeing you in it. There’s something magic about you, that I really, really like. Ask my friends, every time your name comes up in a conversation, my eyes sparkle and I start to smile…
Add a comment 15/02/2009
I’ve been cheated on…
I always thought I could trust you. You were not that type of guy who would look after other girls, only on the screen. You would never cheat on me, at least, that’s what I thought. After the things you made me feel. After all the times I was jealous and made your day miserable. You still didn’t want to get rid of me, so I trusted it. Your phone call was enough, I didn’t worry anymore. But you left, and never came back. Yeah, your body returned, your voice. But your feelings for me didn’t. I don’t think you have ever loved me, the way you did before. But that’s what I think now, back then I believed in us. We would make it happen, we would be forever together. And your behavior was only for now, you would change, the way you said you would. It would only take time. But time wasn’t on my side, and you told me the words I always feared to hear. It was a hard time for me, but after all I started to realize I didn’t mean that much to you. I was just for fun, and there were more girls but me. Sucks to know. The only good thing in all this is that I know why I was ready to let you go for real, it’s because I felt it. I knew there was more than the reasons you told me. Unfortunately you didn’t dare to stand up and be a man. You didn’t dare to tell me you cheated on me. Thinking you would break my heart. Well, you did, and not even because I know about this. But by telling me my dream would never come true. Now I’m strong. And I hope it really sucks that I know the truth. Just to let you know; You can’t hide the truth. And still I’m happy you were at least honest to tell me you couldn’t handle this anymore. Thank you for making me this much stronger…
Add a comment 13/02/2009
About hurt…
It’s striking how the people who hurt you the most, are the ones who promised you they never would. Like that special boy, who promised to be with you for the rest of your lives. That boy who made sure you two would have babies, who had so many dreams to fill your lives together. He worked it all out perfectly. And finally that moment came, you were willing to believe in his dreams, you were able to share your life with him. Everything you ever doubted about him, about his dreams and his words, it all went away so suddenly. And then, then the moment came he spoke out the words, you always feared to hear. He wanted to break up with you. And then he said the words. “I didn’t meant to hurt you…” But you’re hurt already, you don’t want to hear these words. Because you know, every boy says them, while they already know that they’ll hurt you anyway. The only thing you want is for him to be honest with you. But he won’t, he’s a boy. He doesn’t want to hurt you, even though he knows he will. At the moment he says those words, you can’t think of anything but the pain he costs you. But after a while, you know you never meant to fall in love with him either.
Add a comment 12/02/2009
Sad goodbye
You know that feeling? Like heaven and earth collide. Well, I know… For sure I know. I get that feeling all the time. Like when you’re online, when I look at your photos. Or more likely when I remember the times we kissed. You’re kiss was perfect. But now I know, that you’re out of my league. And it really sucks, because I thought I fell in love with a good guy. A guy who had me just for his own, a guy who would put me in number one. But I guess I was nothing more than just a toy for you. It was good for as long as I did what you wanted. Unfortunately for you, I know what I’m worth. And maybe you don’t even want to know, but you’re the one who made me feel what I’m worth. And therefore, I should be thankful. I know I’m not perfect, but I never knew I would be worth this much. And it’s good to know! But you should also know that I won’t be around forever. I won’t wait for you, because of your mind, and your way of thinking about me. I’m not waiting for you like forever. I want to go my way. And if you don’t want to be a part of my life, then I will go on with my life. I’m sorry for that, but I don’t want to go on, in doubt. Not knowing what you feel for me. So I guess this is goodbye…
Add a comment 07/02/2009
Live life…
People often complain about life. They say it’s hard and rough, that their life is too dark. But I guess those people are just not looking at the bright side of life. I don’t think those people enjoy nature at a sunny winter’s day, or a beautiful summer evening. They don’t even notice spring, when the little lambs play in the vast meadows. Those people forgot that only shadow can prove the sunshine. Life isn’t beautiful, it’s what you make it. You shouldn’t wait for the storm to pass, but learn how to dance in the rain. Make the best of it. Why be sad about things you can’t change! Leave the past for what it is, don’t spend any energy on trying to make the past look different. Just be honest about what happened, then you never have to remember what you said before. Life is too short to spend energy on things that don’t matter anymore. You can’t make the past happen again, it’s for a reason that things are called history! So, draw a line and live above it, live life to the maximum, only in that case you can look back on life, knowing you didn’t spend time on insignificant details of your life. And in the end; life gets more precious and special to us, when we look for the everyday miracles and get excited about the privileges of simply being human…
Add a comment 30/01/2009
The past isn´t worth holding on to.
There really are times I’m looking back at the times we spent together. Wondering what it was that made you change. Wondering if we’ll ever be back together. I admit, sometimes I really miss what we had. Thinking about the smiles we shared, the kisses that made my stomach turn around. People thought we were like ‘the perfect couple’, but they were all wrong. They didn’t see me cry every weekend. They didn’t see me turn into a quiet girl. They didn’t notice the way I quit having fun with friends, just because I was hoping for change. Waiting for your call. Waiting for you to come to me. But you left me, way before we broke up. You changed, I saw it from the look in your eyes. At least, when I think back now, I knew it long ago. It wasn’t for nothing I cried so much the day you left, just for a few days. While you were only saying it was just for a few days. Unfortunately it wasn’t. And you broke my heart so bad, I rather died than to go on living without you! Slowly I got back to be the person I always was, before I met you. I thought about it, and it wasn’t only sunshine for us. We had hard times, I never got what I deserved. So I asked myself the question; do you want a boy that doesn’t love you as much as you need? Don’t you want a boy that tells you he loves you, and tells you you are the best thing in his world. And that was my turning point. I know I deserve a boy who loves me at all times, a boy I mean the world to. You just weren’t that boy. But you should know that I am forever changed because of what you meant to me. You showed me life in a good way, you taught me so much things about life, and I’m thankful for that. So even if we never talk again, I hope you look back on us, with a smile on your face. I’m not sure you’ll do that. But I try to imagine you’ll do that.
Life goes on, and if I kept holding on to the past I would still try to get you back.
The fact that I let you go, doesn’t mean I don’t care anymore, doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten it all. It doesn’t mean that what you’re doing doesn’t make me feel anything. It’s not like I’m not hurt anymore… It’s just the wound is healing, and sometimes if you flash by, it bleeds again. But little by little a scarf is taking shape. And it’s not bleeding anymore. The scarf is getting less and less painful, talking about you is getting easier, and so does forgetting about you.
Add a comment 26/01/2009
Tags: oude liefdes, past
Somehow, someday…
Somehow, someday, something changed. Things were not the way they were before anymore. Slowly we walked away from each other, distance made everything harder. Every time I showed up, you were always gone. I tried and I tried to make things better. To make our relation much easier. But you didn’t want my opinion, you wanted your own way of life. I was taken for granted. I wasn’t that big a part of your life. I was just for fun. I thought you made me happy, I believed you were able to make me happy for the rest of my life. But I was just blind, blind to see how much sadness you brought me. Blind to see how you did me wrong. I’m lucky to have friends like mine, they would have never left me, never! They stick up for me, whenever I feel bad or down. They didn’t tell me to break up with you, but they made me see what damage you caused. They made me see there were better guys out there. They told me that you were not the only one. They made me think about you and me. You promised me things would be better, but it didn’t. Nothing got any better, nothing! From that moment on, I knew I had to choose for my own this time. So though I loved you, you were like the world to me. I had to make a decision, you had to choose. You should have chosen me, but you didn’t dare to. You kept your pride high, I thought it was a lousy choice. After you told me, you didn’t want me anymore, I cried for weeks. But then I knew, I had to let go. You didn’t take care of me, the way a boyfriend should have done. You didn’t love me, the way you could. You didn’t want me, just because you thought there were more important things in life. It was a hard decision for me to make, but since then I learned what I need in life, in love. I learned what I’m worth. And life showed me you were not worth holding on to. In a relation you shouldn’t be crying every week, you shouldn’t wonder whether loves you or not. Those are things you should feel, and I’m sorry to say that you never made me feel that way, like you did when we were only together for a few months. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t my fault… Together we made things change. Somehow, someday…
Add a comment 25/01/2009
Tags: Break up, changes
Jump into the future!
Sometimes it’s hard to go on living, without all the things you left behind. Sometimes because it made you smile, because you loved it. Sometimes because it made you cry and you hated living that way.
When someone or something makes you smile, and leaves you after a while, it’s hard to go on. It’s hard to take the jump, because you never know what the future has in mind for you. It’s way much easier to hold on to the past. Because you know what you’re able to lean on. You know exactly what happened, you know exactly what caused the lucky feeling. And after all the things you’ve gone through, what’s more likely than to know what is going to happen to you?
But if the past became your future, wouldn’t it be so much better than to jump into something unknown? Maybe is holding on to the past more about holding on to the pain. People hurt you, you lost things. And the times you got hurt, it was because you loved that special someone or something. And the only reason to hold on to whatever happened at that point, is to hold on to the pain. Because it hurt you, but it also made you feel alive. And when you think of that moment, and you feel that pain again, you know it really happened. You want it to happen again, you want the past to become your future. But think again, is that what you really want? Was it really that beautiful and good? Was it really all you ever needed? Because things really happen for a reason. As life flows by, you learn so much, and only a really small part of it you learn at school. Learning in live makes you grow up. And nothing is harder than that. Still you should know, that things aren’t as bad as it seems. And you have to let go of the past, to be able to jump into the future. Because whoever said that the future would be just like the past. Maybe the future will even be better! It’s just what you make it! So go, take a step, don’t keep looking back, but keep you memories safe and close to your heart. But jump, jump into the future, because yesterday is a day that will never come back. Today will be history by tomorrow’s sunrise. And tomorrow isn’t dark at all, because by sunrise the sun will brighten up the world again!
Add a comment 25/01/2009
Tags: Leven, morgen, verleden
