You and me

Sometimes is seems like nothing ever happened between the two of us. I don’t remember your voice anymore, I don’t even know what you look like anymore. You left no footprints in my environment, not one. Everything is gone, except the footprint in my heart. I will always carry my thoughts about you with me. Even though our love had passed, there is still something between us, I can’t describe, but we both know it’s still here. But you need to know, I’m fine. I finally know I can make it on my own and sometimes I even forget about you for a little while.

My friends are still around, they take pretty good care of me. They didn’t leave because of my useless stories about missing you, they made me smile again, I couldn’t have done it without them. I changed, I know. There’s still this life I had before we met, it only changed a bit. I enjoy my weekends, flirt with pretty guys, I drink too much. Because you taught me to, I’m not as scared as I was before.

Together we would be a hundred, but forever didn’t last at us. And I’m still alive, I’m doing fine.

But then you come back around, one way or another, surprising me. Just some little things that remind me of you more and more. Those things make me miss you more than you could ever imagine.

Maybe it’s just my imagination, but those things come more and more often, dreams of you, things I hear. I don’t know what to do about it.

Sometimes it even feels like you’re standing next to me, not in person, more like the wind. And even though I thought I couldn’t remember your voice anymore, sometimes I hear you laugh, when I wonder what to do with some technical stuff. Or when I have some problems I still sometimes hear your voice telling me not to make it all so difficult.

I wonder if you’ll ever let go of me, if you ever give me the chance to totally live my own life. Or that maybe you and I are meant to have a life together. Because, you know, maybe it’s not that we’re not meant to be, maybe we were just not yet ready for forever.

I still see you everywhere, but it’s just memories. People walking the same way you did and still do. People wearing the same clothes you used to wear. And memories are everywhere, walking hand in hand, talking about the future. Memories of the beautiful things you once told me.

But our love is over, I’m doing fine, I will never forget you. But please choose, let go of me forever or love me again. Will you forever have the power over me, will I never get rid of you?

Add a comment 27/03/2009

The past isn´t worth holding on to.

There really are times I’m looking back at the times we spent together. Wondering what it was that made you change. Wondering if we’ll ever be back together. I admit, sometimes I really miss what we had. Thinking about the smiles we shared, the kisses that made my stomach turn around. People thought we were like ‘the perfect couple’, but they were all wrong. They didn’t see me cry every weekend. They didn’t see me turn into a quiet girl. They didn’t notice the way I quit having fun with friends, just because I was hoping for change. Waiting for your call. Waiting for you to come to me. But you left me, way before we broke up. You changed, I saw it from the look in your eyes. At least, when I think back now, I knew it long ago. It wasn’t for nothing I cried so much the day you left, just for a few days. While you were only saying it was just for a few days. Unfortunately it wasn’t. And you broke my heart so bad, I rather died than to go on living without you! Slowly I got back to be the person I always was, before I met you. I thought about it, and it wasn’t only sunshine for us. We had hard times, I never got what I deserved. So I asked myself the question; do you want a boy that doesn’t love you as much as you need? Don’t you want a boy that tells you he loves you, and tells you you are the best thing in his world. And that was my turning point. I know I deserve a boy who loves me at all times, a boy I mean the world to. You just weren’t that boy. But you should know that I am forever changed because of what you meant to me. You showed me life in a good way, you taught me so much things about life, and I’m thankful for that. So even if we never talk again, I hope you look back on us, with a smile on your face. I’m not sure you’ll do that. But I try to imagine you’ll do that.

Life goes on, and if I kept holding on to the past I would still try to get you back.

The fact that I let you go, doesn’t mean I don’t care anymore, doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten it all. It doesn’t mean that what you’re doing doesn’t make me feel anything. It’s not like I’m not hurt anymore… It’s just the wound is healing, and sometimes if you flash by, it bleeds again. But little by little a scarf is taking shape. And it’s not bleeding anymore. The scarf is getting less and less painful, talking about you is getting easier, and so does forgetting about you.

Add a comment 26/01/2009

Jump into the future!

Sometimes it’s hard to go on living, without all the things you left behind. Sometimes because it made you smile, because you loved it. Sometimes because it made you cry and you hated living that way.

When someone or something makes you smile, and leaves you after a while, it’s hard to go on. It’s hard to take the jump, because you never know what the future has in mind for you. It’s way much easier to hold on to the past. Because you know what you’re able to lean on. You know exactly what happened, you know exactly what caused the lucky feeling. And after all the things you’ve gone through, what’s more likely than to know what is going to happen to you?

But if the past became your future, wouldn’t it be so much better than to jump into something unknown? Maybe is holding on to the past more about holding on to the pain. People hurt you, you lost things. And the times you got hurt, it was because you loved that special someone or something. And the only reason to hold on to whatever happened at that point, is to hold on to the pain. Because it hurt you, but it also made you feel alive. And when you think of that moment, and you feel that pain again, you know it really happened. You want it to happen again, you want the past to become your future. But think again, is that what you really want? Was it really that beautiful and good? Was it really all you ever needed? Because things really happen for a reason. As life flows by, you learn so much, and only a really small part of it you learn at school. Learning in live makes you grow up. And nothing is harder than that. Still you should know, that things aren’t as bad as it seems. And you have to let go of the past, to be able to jump into the future. Because whoever said that the future would be just like the past. Maybe the future will even be better! It’s just what you make it! So go, take a step, don’t keep looking back, but keep you memories safe and close to your heart. But jump, jump into the future, because yesterday is a day that will never come back. Today will be history by tomorrow’s sunrise. And tomorrow isn’t dark at all, because by sunrise the sun will brighten up the world again!

Add a comment 25/01/2009